Interview - Hannah H.

Healing through the community support of group meetings, the twelve-steps, therapy and treatment centers.

Hannah H:

• What type of eating disorder do you have and when did you realize you had a problem?

I don't think I was conscious of it starting. I remember calling my mom and telling her I wasn't happy. I told her didn't know how to eat.

• How did you get help with your eating disorder?  What was your first twelve step meeting like?

I went to an in-patient center and met people who I connected with.  We had 12-step meetings and I liked it because everybody there gets it. I thought my first meeting was going to be different. When the counselor mentioned a higher power, I got it.

• Did you have a rock-bottom?

When my therapist told me I had to go into treatment and that's when I knew it was bad.

• What is your higher power?

For me it was nature when I first started. That's how I know I'm not in control. Your higher power doesn't have to be a being, just the idea there is something else is out there we can look too.  I go hiking in nature and I feel very peaceful and whole.

• Was there any step that stuck out to you the most?

I don't remember which step it was but when they mentioned the first step and said it was about control, I thought oh no, I'm totally in control. It wasn't until we talked about letting go of that control that it hit me, "I have to let it go." Letting go of the anger and the people who abused me was the beginning and I really started to understand the whole twelve-step process.

• What would you tell someone about getting help or going to a twelve-step program?

I've told people that you don't feel alone. Going to a group really helps, because people are real and they get what you're talking about. You start to feel comfortable.

• Do you still go to meetings?

I don't go to meetings anymore, but I do go for individual counseling. I facilitate groups and find that preparing for those groups is my therapy. Just because I'm facilitating, doesn't put me above anyone, because I still get it and it keeps me accountable.

I consider myself recovered and I'm grateful to be on the other side. I'm 28 and I was diagnosed at 18.